(align:"=><=")+(box:"X=")[
#The Idioddessy
1
]
What was this about? John wondered.
He was a “telemarketer” and he was, he felt, doing OK at his job.
Why then was Marcus, his boss, calling him into his office at 8:45, fully fifteen minutes before his shift was due to start?
Internally he sighed. Christ, I work as hard as anyone else here. I’m not late. I don’t steal (too much) stationary. What could he want?
He entered Marcus’s office.
Marcus was sitting there. He smiled as John entered the room, and glanced at his watch.
“Please take a seat” said Marcus, though John had already sat down.
“Thanks.” Said John, looking at Marcus. He hoped the expression he had on his face was giving the impression that he was at once pleased to be here and also slightly confused, why have you called me here oh superior one?
“So how are you today?” Marcus continued.
“Errr, I’m fine.” Said John, still keeping the non-committal smile on his face. “And you?”
“Yes, yes fine.” Said Marcus in a tone that immediately identified the situation as not being one for small talk – even though he had initiated said small talk.
Marcus drew himself up and looked John straight in the eye. He smiled. John could tell from the smile that the news was not good. Marcus’s smile was cold.
“Do you know why I’ve called you in here today” Marcus said, the smile fading.
Suddenly something inside John awoke, John realized he was about to be fired! Somehow he just knew it! Everything about Marcus’s demeanor said it. He seemed taught, excited. John could not imagine a minor ticking off – and praise was out of the question – giving Marcus this much of a buzz.
Marcus seemed nervous but pleased, as if was deriving pleasure from the power he had over john.
Jesus, thought John, how do I handle this. Marcus is such an asshole. Am I really gonna take this sitting down? But maybe if I, not beg, but “argue” for my job, Marcus wont fire me.
John realized that Marcus was speaking, “- so as you can see, there really isn’t anything we can do. It's downsizing you see John. I do hope you can –“.
John interrupted Marcus and said.
[[Listen Marcus. I wanna say something to you. Its not so much that I think you’re an asshole….GOTO PASSAGE 3->Passage 3]]
[[Listen Marcus. I just want to the say although downsizing is of course perfectly reasonable, I consider that I am one the more valuable members….GOTO PASSAGE 2->Passage 2]]
2
“Listen Marcus. I just want to say although downsizing is of course perfectly reasonable, I consider that I am one the more valuable members of the team.”
Marcus didn’t look like he was going to say anything so John continued.
”And AS one the more valuable members, I feel that I have a lot more to offer. I mean, there is so much more I could do. So much more…” John tried to think of how to continue.
”Go on.” Said Marcus.
“Well, errr, as I was saying. I have a lot more to offer. I mean, I could, errr” John stumbled again, could he really demean himself like this? But I have bills to pay! “I could do more for less!” John smiled at Marcus.
“Your’re willing to take a pay cut?” Marcus said
“Yes”
”Good. And work harder?”
“Yes”
“Excellent. And how about suck my cock?”
“Huh?”
Marcus didn’t bother to hide the contempt from his face as he said “You really are a sniveling little worm aren’t you John? I mean, you didn’t even have the balls to fight back. Even a little.”
John remained silent. He couldn’t think of anything to say. His mind was going numb.
“Now get the fuck out of my office.”
[[GOTO SECTION 4->Passage 4]]
3
“Listen Marcus. I wanna say something to you. It's not so much that I think you’re an asshole. It's just your attitude.”
John looked at Marcus, who was puffing himself up. In that moment John despised him.
“I mean,” John continued, “do you realize how much your’re hated around here? How little people respect you?”
Marcus glared at him, he was about to speak but John cut him off.
“And what's more, your shit at your job. I mean, I wonder how you got to this position. Your management technique is non-existent. Your always looking over my fucking shoulder. Its sad.”
Marcus took a deep breath and then, to John's surprise, smiled.
“Well, John. I must admit your language is a little robust, but you didn’t let me finish. What I was going to say is that, although downsizing is inevitable, we have actually decided to keep you on.”
John stared incredulously at Marcus.
”And what’s more John, it's just the kind of big balls you just displayed there that convinced us of your worth. Not only are we keeping you on, but were promoting you.”
John, stunned, said “Really? You're promoting me?!”
“Of course we’re fucking not, you naive little shit. Now get the fuck out of my office.” Marcus almost spat the words.
As John was leaving, Marcus said to his back “And you ever talk to me like that again, I rip your head off. Fucking pussy.”
[[GOTO SECTION 4->Passage 4]]
4
John sat at a table at his local bar. He didn’t have many friends but at least Dave had agreed to come and help him commiserate losing his job.
“So what’s it going to be then?”
“Well, I’m not sure. All the options are attractive in their own way.”
“Well make up your mind John, we haven’t got all day.”
“Well, I just know I want to make it. Be someone. But I also want to be satisfied in whatever I decide to do with the rest of my life- “
“Christ, I just meant what do you want to drink?”
“Oh I’ll have –“ John thought for a moment. Did he go for the sweet warm taste of a Whisky and coke, or did he go for the reliable pint of lager.
“Pint of lager please, Dave.”
Whilst Dave was at the bar John looked around, checking out the place. On Friday night in Astoria you were pretty much stuck with the choices of rock chick, grunge chick or off her face on drugs chick.
John was suddenly aware of movement and noise to his left. Looking round he saw a woman snarl in his face “I said, your sitting on my coat, fuck-sake.”
“What?” He had to shout over the music.
He got up and the woman extracted her coat. It was then that he noticed something was wrong. He couldn’t feel his left arm. It had gone completely numb. He looked around himself again. The woman with the coat had moved off. He was sitting in an alcove and next to him were four other guys. They weren’t talking, just sitting there blankly staring into space.
Why has my arm gone numb? he thought.
He hadn’t been sitting in an awkward position or anything.
He was mulling this over when Dave came back with his lager.
“Cheers Dave.”
“I just saw this great looking bird at the bar.”
“Oh yeah. I just wanna ask you something. Did you put anything in my last drink?”
“No. Why?”
“Nothing, it's just that, well, I feel a bit weird and my arm went numb a minute ago.”
“Are you OK now?”
“Yeah, but, well I dunno. Maybe I was sitting funny. Ah bollocks to it.”
Standing at the bar Alice watched the two men. She’d regretted being sharp with the guy who had sat on her coat and had watched him for a moment. He hadn’t done anything too bizarre but he had stood up, held his arm and peered oddly around.
Something about him attracted her though. He was quite good looking but there seemed to be more to it than that. She’d lost her friends somewhere in the club, so more for something to do than anything she turned to the barman and ordered two JD’s and coke.
She got the drinks and approached the guy.
“Oh god, it's her”
“It's who?” said Dave
“The woman whose, oh it doesn’t matter. She's got a bit of an attitude.”
“Who does?”
“Her” said John, nodding at the approaching Alice.
She seems to be heading straight for me, John thought. Then to his astonishment she came right up to him. She put down the drink in front of John.
“Hi, I just thought I’d get you this.” She said pointing at the drink. “I was in a bit of a foul mood earlier. Didn’t mean to snap at you”
John looked at the drink and then the woman.
“Err, thanks. But there's no need. You just wanted your coat.” John smiled in what he hoped was an amiable no worries kind of way.
“No. No. I insist.” She said.
John cast a look at Dave who was watching this little exchange with seeming amusement. Quite what he was amused at John didn’t know, but for some reason it annoyed him.
For a second or two there was an awkward silence when it suddenly dawned on John that perhaps she wanted to sit down with them. Quite why eluded him but he said.
“Err, do you want to join us.”
She smiled as she took the seat next to John. She had to squeeze a bit to avoid touching the other boys in the alcove, and as she did she introduced herself as Alice.
“My names John and this is Dave” Dave grunted, still wearing an annoying smirk.
“Nice to meet you both.” Alice said.
John took a deep draw of his pint, followed it up with a large swig of his JD, lent over to Alice and said…
[[Want to come back to my place? GOTO SECTION 5->Passage 5]]
[[So, what brings you here this evening? GOTO SECTION 6->Passage 6]]
[[Did you know, just a minute ago my arm went numb? GOTO SECTION 7->Passage 7]]
5
Alice stared at him momentarily and said "Uhm. What for?"
"Oh I think you know what for!" John said, and smiled in what he hoped was a wolfish way.
John was a little drunk so didn't notice the light in Alice's eyes go out.
She looked down at her drink.
Hmmm. Perhaps I messed that up, thought John. He was just about to ask her if she wanted another drink when Alice got up , saying something about her friends that John didn't quite hear, then she left.
As she walked away John looked around then saw Dave sitting watching her leave. He caught John's eye and shrugged his shoulders.
"Plenty more fish in the sea" he mouthed.
Just like fucking Dave to say something totally cliched, John thought, suddenly annoyed.
But then again, there are plenty more fish in the sea, he thought, looking around the club. It was a large place and was full of people.
Just then Dave swam into view. "It's your round."
"Oh, Ok. Stella?"
"Yes, thanks"
John heaved himself unsteadily to his feet. He felt like he was floating through the crowd as he made his way to the bar. He was jostled on all sides, being bounced around at random. Almost becoming over balanced he thrust out his hand, caught hold of something soft and steadied himself. Glancing up he saw that he was grasping hold of a tall redhead's breast.
He looked into her face as she looked down at him and said "You OK?"
"Yeah. Just lost my balance" He said smiling.
"Here let me help you".
As she led him to the bar John couldn't help noticing how large her breasts were.
They got to the bar and as John tried to catch the attention of the barman the redhead introduced herself. John couldn't quite make out everything she was saying but he thought he caught her name as being "Liz"
As Liz continued to talk John's eyes caught sight of a petite blonde at the bar who seemed to be staring at him.
Did she wink at me? What the hell is going on? I haven't had this much interest in, well ever!
She's gorgeous, he thought, but just as that thought crossed his mind Liz's mammaries brushed heavily against his chest.
[[John suddenly realised that he ought to buy a Liz a drink to thank her for steadying him.....GOTO SECTION 9->Passage 9]]
[[John suddenly realised that he did believe in love at first sight and that he just had to talk to the young blonde....GOTO SECTION 8->Passage 8]]
6
"I came to listen to the band that was on earlier. Did you hear them?"
"No. I must have gotten here too late."
"That's a shame, they were very good. So, if not the band, what brought you here?"
"I'm commiserating. I got fired today."
"Well that's not very nice. Why on earth would they fire a fine young man like you?"
Is she flirting with me?
"I guess they don't know a good thing when they see it."
"Obviously not." She said looking him in the eye.
She's definitely flirting with me!
"Hey, can I get you a drink back?" He said, placing his now empty glass on the table.
"Sure, I'd love one cognac please."
"Pint please mate." came Dave's voice.
After he'd got the drinks he returned to the table to find Alice sitting alone.
"Where's Dave? '' he said.
"Dave? Oh, your friend. I don't know. He left. Hey, I feel like getting out of here."
"Oh, what about your drink?"
She took the cognac from his hand and downed it.
"I'm going back to my place with a few friends. Wanna come?" She said
Wanna come? cum? Is she flirting?
John, thought for a second then said -
[["I'd love to come back to yours." GOTO 10->Passage 10]]
[["I've got a better idea. Why don't you ditch your friends and come back to mine?" GOTO 11->Passage 11]]
7
Alice looked at the guy. Had he really just said that? What a baffling thing to say. Was he perhaps drunk?
“Oh really?” she said “Is everything OK?”
“Yeah. I think it was just the way I was sitting”.
“Oh. OK” She said, at a loss.
The guy had looked away. John was his name she thought. Or was he Dave? Either way he wasn’t making conversation easy.
“So, what brings you here tonight, John?” she said.
“I got fired today. Fucking piece of shit.”
So it is John, she thought. ”Oh, well, that’s awful. What did you do?”
“I was a ‘telemarketer’”, she noticed he wasn’t even looking at her, “Fucking piece of shit.” He continued.
There was a moment of silence. She started to regret buying him a drink. He was so quiet. Then he spoke.
“So what do you do?” He was looking at her now. Such piercing eyes she thought.
“I’m in A’n’R” Ah! That had got his attention. He must be a musician, she thought.
“Really! What a coincidence. I play a little music myself.”
“Cool” she said, like she had a hundred times before. “Maybe I could have a listen one day?”
John gaped at her. “You seriously want to hear my music?”.
“Yeah, sure, why not.”
“That would be fantastic. Who do you work for?”
“Oh, it's an independent. Company
“So what sort of music do you play?”
“Well I play the guitar. “
Always the guitar, she thought, never, say, the trombone. But he was cute. She could forgive him for his conventionality.
For a moment she wondered if she’d said it out loud when he continued “I know it’s a cliche, but the Guitar is so convenient. I mean, I tried the piano for a while, but it’s a bitch to carry to gigs!”
Hmm, he's got a sense of humour too she thought, smiling at the joke.
Out of the corner of her eye she could see one of the friends she came with signaling to her. It looked like they were leaving.
She turned back to John and said “Hey, my friends and I are going back to my place for a few drinks and stuff. Do you wanna come with us?”
[[John looked at her and said “That sounds great. I’ll just get my coat.”…..GOTO SECTION 10->Passage 10]]
[[John looked at her and said “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you come back to mine instead”…. GOTO SECTION 11->Passage 11]]
8
The blonde girl watched him intently as he approached.
John felt a bit uncomfortable at the intensity of her stare.
he almost lost his nerve as he neared her but she was so beautiful.
He slowed down as he moved close enough to her to introduce himself. He opened his mouth to speak but to his shock at that precise moment she turned away from him.
Shit! Did she do that on purpose? She saw me approaching, didn't she? WTF?
He stood there for a moment wondering what to do next. He had almost decided to slink away when she turned back to him and said "Did you want to speak to me?".
"uhm. Err. yeah. I noticed you over there." Shit, she's caught me off balance.
"You noticed me."
"yes."
"What did you notice?"
"I noticed your don't have a drink! I couldn't let a pretty girl like you stand here at the bar without a drink!" that's better, he thought.
"Oh, but I do have a drink." She said reaching over to the bar and grabbing a half full pint glass seemingly at random.
Was that even hers? John wondered
"Oh I see."
"What else did you notice?" She said, batting her eyelashes exaggeratedly.
"I noticed you are very pretty."
"Ah. Now we're getting somewhere."
Shit, she's got brass balls, he thought.
"Well good." What now? he thought. I've run out of steam already. Damn it.
"So, you having a good time?" She said.
"yeah, enjoying the music, I like this club."
"I don't. It's a shit club. Full of bores."
"Bores?"
"Yeah. Boring people. Bores"
"I hope I'm not too boring" He said, putting on a mock sad face.
"Well, I don't know you. But you're probably boring."
"Well, fuck you very much."
"Ah, now not so boring."
"look- "
"No. You look. You came over here to, god help me, chat me up, right?"
"well, as I said, I noticed you and came over."
"Well, I think you could have made a better fist of it."
"To be honest, you seem quite full of yourself."
"Ah. Honesty. Why don't you tell me honestly why you came over here."
"As i said, i thought you were pretty so i came over to chat."
"You wanted to chat?"
"Yes."
"I think, if your honest you came over here cos you wanted to fuck, not chat. Isn't that right?"
"Well."
"Oh, so you don't want to fuck me?"
"I didn't say that, it's just-"
"Look, do you want to fuck me or not. It's a simple question."
"In that case, yes."
"Yes, what?"
"Yes I want to fuck you."
"pig."
For some reason he couldn't fathom, he found himself saying "I'm sorry."
"Good. Now get your coat. We're going back to yours."
[[GOTO SECTION 12->Passage 12]]
9
"Uhm, so, can I buy you a drink?" John said.
"Yeah sure." She replied.
"What would you like?"
"Whiskey mac. Please"
"hey! A woman after my own heart!" He turned to the barman and ordered two whiskey macs. Though he wasn't sure what a whiskey mac was.
"So, what brings you to the Astoria on a rainy Wednesday?"
"Oh you know. Was bored. Wanted to get out. Wanted a drink. What about you?"
"I lost my job. Out drowning my sorrows."
"Awww. You poor thing." She said, then to his delight she hugged him.
"So, where do you live? He asked
"Camden Town"
"Nice. You have a flat there?"
"I live with my two flatmates. Oh and my cat."
"Hey! a cat. I like cats."
"You do? Well maybe one day you could come back and meet him. Ralph is his name."
"Sure I'd love to go back to your place and stroke your pussy!"
Liz looked horrified for a moment, then laughed. "Crude. But funny."
That was close, gotta watch how much I'm drinking, he thought.
"So, what about you? Where do you live?"
"Well, why don't I show you?" He said. He looked at her and smiled. Come hither my pretty.
"Sure why not," she said and smiled back.
------------------------------------------------
As John was fumbling for his keys he tried to think if he had left anything incriminating out in the flat. Porno mags? No, he used his PC. SHIT! The PC. If she looks at the PC history she'll see everything. She'll KNOW. Must make sure she doesn't go near the -
"Everything OK?" came her voice from behind him.
"Uhm yeah, sure" He said as he managed to get the door to the flat open.
He staggered through the doorway. He got the door to the living room open and turned to ask Liz if she wanted a drink, but as he did so she locked her mouth tightly to his.
As she kissed him hard he felt her hand reach down to his crotch.
[[GOTO SECTION 12->Passage 12]]
10
Alice's place turned out to be in a part of London called West Kensington.
John had heard of Kennsington. He had also heard of South Kensington. But he had never heard of West Kensington.
"West Kensington? There's no such place! I refuse to believe it." He'd said when Alice had instructed the black cab driver.
As they pulled up to to what John presumed was Alice's place he was struck by the plushness of it. He had been to Kennsington before. To the museums. but he had never really been to the back streets. The houses were huge. But what was most striking to him was their uniformity and cleanliness. The whole road was spotless. The street a parade of white stone. The houses were three stories of expensive-looking white stone.
He came to the realisation that all this seemed familiar to him. This was the London of war time movies!
"Welcome to Brideshead." Alice said.
"Brideshead?"
"You've never read the book?"
"Uhm. No." John said, having never heard of it.
"My little joke," she said as she opened the front door.
As John walked through the front door he was aware of some sort of commotion behind him. It was then he realised that he was being followed in by at least a dozen people!
Where on earth had they come from! These are all her friends?
The entrance way was spotless too. A letter rack was the only object in there. He followed Alice up the stairway and it was then he realised that the whole house wasn't hers. It had been divided into several apartments.
Again she stopped, this time to open the door to her flat. He didn't quite stop himself in time and brushed against her backside. She turned round and smiled at him.
Entering the flat he was struck by a sweet smoky smell. Incense, he thought.
She led him to what she said was the lounge. It was enormous and full of furnishings and ornaments.
Again he was surprised as a seemingly endless stream of people followed him in. He grabbed a seat quickly.
When Alice came back the people were sitting all round the lounge chatting. John was feeling a bit awkward as he didn't know anyone but Alice.
She came over, handed him a can of lager and sat on the arm of his chair.
"You OK?" She said, smiling.
"Yeah. Fine. Are these all your friends?"
"Yes. Mostly friends from the business."
"So, which label you with?"
"Artemis Records"
"Wow. Really? cool" Artemis records! The elite!
"It's really not as impressive as it sounds. You only ever hear about the success stories. We've got a hell of a lot of unknowns on our books too."
John took a deep draw of his lager, then noticed something was being pushed his way.
"Here" said the man holding what looked like a mirror. John took the mirror, keeping it horizontal as the man had and saw on it a 20 pound note and what looked like icing sugar. It quite obviously wasn't icing sugar though.
John looked at the line of coke laid out in front of him. He glanced at Alice
[[, took the 20 pound note in his hand and bent over ready to snort his first line. GOTO SECTION 13->Passage 13]]
[[and said "Sorry this isn't really my scene" GOTO SECTION 14->Passage 14]]
11
She hesitated for a moment. Considering. Then said "OK. Why not."
"Great. I'll just text Dave to let him know we're leaving."
"Dave's not invited?"
"Uhm. he's not here to invite!"
"true"
"anyway, three's a crowd isn't it?"
"Oh I don't know. Three can be fun", she said and winked.
Got a feisty one here! he thought.
----------------
"Hey, why don't you play me a bit of your guitar." she said when they got back to John's place.
"Oh, you don't want to hear that. I'm not very good. And you must hear musicians play all the time. "
"Yes, I do. it's part of my job. I enjoy my job. I enjoy music. So lets hear some"
"To be honest Alice, my guitar isn't tuned up. And I'm kinda going off the whole idea of performing."
"OK no biggie."
"Sorry. It's just that I lost my job, and I don't feel very, well enthusiastic."
"That's OK. Why don't you come over here."
He moved over to her and sat on the couch next to her.
She was looking up at him. Expectation on her face.
He moved his face close to her. She did the same and they kissed. Her lips were soft and warm.
After they had kissed for a moment she drew back and said "Got anything to drink?"
He went to the kitchen and got two beers out of the fridge. As he did so she called out to him, "Hey, There's a job going at my place. I'm handling the hiring of a couple of runners. It doesn't pay much, but you can start straight away".
John came into the room and set the beers down on the coffee table.
He took her face in his hands and kissed her again. She moved into his embrace.
He moved his face back and looked at her, saying
[["The the offer of a job sounds great!" and he led her into the bedroom. GOTO 17->Passage 17]]
[["lets forget about work for the moment" and led her into the bedroom. GOTO 12->Passage 12]]
12
Consciousness slowly came upon john. He lay there with his eyes shut. His head hurt.
He stretched his body and then suddenly recoiled as he realised there was something in his bed.
Jerking upright, eyes wide he looked and saw that the something was a young woman.
Who on earth is that? he thought.
He dressed quietly and exited the flat, taking care not to wake the girl.
My head is in no condition to deal with a strange woman. Not at this time in the morning.
Walking to the Golden Man Cafe, parts of the previous night had come back to him. He couldn't remember the girls name, but they had met at the Astoria. She had come back to his place and they had chatted.
Had sex taken place, he wondered.
He bought a copy of the Argus from the newsagents and took a window seat in the cafe.
Sitting in silence he had a coffee and full English breakfast.
Returning to his flat from the cafe the girl was gone.
I wonder who she was , he thought again.
Sitting down at the kitchen table he opened the paper. Scanned the headlines, then opened the classifieds at the back.
Looking through the job ads he wondered if this was it. Surely life had more to offer than this.
Where did he go wrong? Which path had he failed to take? Which opportunity had he missed?
Carpe Diem he thought, and with renewed vigour he scanned the help wanted ads.
The End
13
He had never done this before and was a little wary.
he wanted to ask Alice what it would do to him, but it was in his hand . He couldn't back out now.
Why do I want to appear "cool" to these people, he wondered. But he did want to appear cool. Mustn't show "fear", he thought to himself.
He breathed out, placed the rolled up 20 pound note to his nose and with a large inhalation snorted the whole line.
It felt rough on his nose but not too unpleasant.
He felt a minor surge of surprise at the fact he had snorted his first line so well. He looked around but it seemed no one had noticed his achievement. For a second he thought assholes, but then he realised that the fact they weren't paying attention meant he had got away with it! They thought he was a "pro" , that this was "no big deal" to him! I am a seasoned drug taker, he thought. He laughed out loud at this witty thought. A few people looked at him and he smiled at them.
This isn't doing anything, he thought as he looked at the others in the apartment. I don't feel high, I feel bored! Why isn't anything happening?
Someone to his right gently took the mirror from him as he looked at Alice who was talking to a guy on the couch opposite them.
When she noticed John looking her way she introduced him to the guy she was talking to. His name was Tom and he nodded hello when John said "Hi".
"John, here's a musician. Plays the guitar."
Alice turned to John, smiled and said "Isn't that right?".
John looked at her and realised that he wanted to fuck her. he really really wanted to fuck her RIGHT NOW.
Perhaps if I impress her she'll be into being fucked by me, he thought.
"Yeah, that's right. I'm an axeman!" he raised his arm in a chopping motion. Alice and Tom laughed. That's right, laugh you fuckers. I'm the man!
"Do you fancy playing something for us? you don't have to.." Alice said.
A bolt of fear went through his gut at the suggestion. To play, alone, in front of all these strangers? Under normal circumstances he would have tried to get out of it, make humble polite excuses. But tonight he felt strangely energised. The coke dumb-ass! he thought. Is this really how it works? He wondered if it really was the coke. He had expected something, well, different.
"Yeah sure" he found himself saying "What would you like to hear?"
"Anything you like. I'll go get my guitar"
"how about "Something" by the Beatles?" he said to her as she got up and walked to another room.
"Can't go wrong with the Beatles," said Tom.
A few other people had turned to join the conversation.
Alice returned and handed him the guitar. To Johns surprise it was a #######.
He explored the guitar by strumming a few chords and found it was tuned.
Deciding that the best thing to do was leap into action rather than building up expectations in any-ones mind he launched into the song.
He kept his voice low. Hoping it sounded seductive and smokey.
The nerves soon dropped away as he concentrated on picking out the right notes on the guitar. The lyrics came back to him immediately, having played this track a thousand times.
As he riffed he could see that Alice seemed entranced. She was staring intently at him, Yeah that's right bitch, get wet for me, he thought, then Good grief, what am I thinking!
Others had turned to watch and listen.
He continued to play and sing. He felt more relaxed the further he went on.
He finished the track and turned to Alice who began clapping. Most of the people in the room by now had turned to him and were clapping.
He felt elated and pleased.
"That was brilliant!" said Alice. "It really was superb, wasn't it Tom?"
Tom looked a bit startled, as if surprised Alice had addressed him. He hadn't been listening at all, John suspected.
"Yeah. That was brilliant. You better watch out. Alice is hungry for new talent." Tom said, glancing at Alice.
Did he smirk at Alice as he said that?, John wondered.
"Well, now Tom mentions it, I do have an urgent requirement for a session guitarist at a gig tomorrow. Nothing big and the pays not great, but we could really use someone with your talent."
"What's the band and position?" John asked
"they're called Phonic Symphony, they need a lead guitarist. Their stuff is guitar based rock. We've just signed them. What do you think?"
[["Sounds great! I'm in!" ..............GOTO 15->Passage 15]]
[["Sounds like bollocks......".............GOTO 16->Passage 16]]
14
He looked around anxiously to see how the others would react, but no one seemed to pay any attention.
They take drugs, he thought to himself. They were so casual about it, they must do it all the time. Taking a class A drug "nothing to worry about". It was a little concerning.
he watched as the mirror was passed around. With relief he noticed he wasn't the only one who turned it down. But the ones who turned it down gave off the air that they weren’t participating this particular time, not that they were abstinent.
he looked at Anne. Had she taken any? He hadn't noticed.
He took a deep swig from his lager. Why do they do it? To him it suddenly seemed that they were weak. That they couldn't face reality, without some sort of crutch.
He looked around again at the people, everyone seemed totally relaxed. It was the most chilled out gathering he had been to for a long time.
He was just getting a little bored when he noticed Anne and Tom coming into the room from the hallway. He hadn't noticed she had left, and wondered what they had been doing.
Anne retook her position on the arm of his seat.
"You OK?"
"Yeah sure." He said.
"Hey, do i remember you saying that you don't have a job at the moment?"
"Yeah, that's right. I got fired today."
"Well, there's a position going at Artemis. It's just a runners position, but there's potential."
John nodded, "Potential is good."
"Well, I can put in a word for you with the boss if you like. Would you like the job?
[["Yeah, sure, that sounds great. Thanks a lot." GOTO SECTION 17->Passage 17]]
[["Well, I'm not sure. I'll think about. Thanks." GOTO SECTION 15->Passage 15]]15
John woke up feeling slightly odd.
After a moment he realised why. He hadn't set the alarm and had slept though. It took him another moment to realise that he wasn't late for work as he no longer had a job.
He looked at the clock and saw it was 3 in the afternoon.
3pm! Jesus. How long had he slept? Then he remembered the night before. He hadn't got back till 4am. The taxi ride had blown a huge hole in his wallet.
He let his head fall back onto the pillow, staring at the dirty ceiling. He was trying to pull his thoughts together, trying to construct a coherent plan of what to do with his day when his mobile rang.
Picking it up he saw it was Dave.
Shit! Dave! He remembered now that they had gone to the club together. He had left with that girl Anne and basically deserted him. Dave must be fuming.
For a moment he considered not answering but he couldn't do that to Dave.
"Hi Dave."
"Well fuck me, he finally answers!"
"Huh?"
"don't give me huh, I've been phoning all morning."
"Oh. Sorry. Well, look, I'm sorry about last night. I got really drunk and met this girl."
"yeah I know. I saw you leaving with her and her buddies last night."
"Oh."
"Yeah, very rude if I may say so. I called out after you but you didn't hear me."
"Hold it. If you saw us leaving, why didn't you come after us."
"Well, that's what I'm phoning about. I had my own business to attend to?"
"meaning?"
"Meaning your not the only one who can pull"
"Oh right. Cool!"
"Yeah, she's a right little cracker. Nice tasty blonde."
"Oh right. Nice."
"Anyway, I've got an idea for you. A work idea."
"You have?"
"You Like computer games right?"
"Well. I guess. I have an Xbox if that's what you mean."
"Well check out the classifieds in today's Standard. ``There's a half page ad for people wanting to get into IT."
"Oh right? Aren't those ads in there all the time?"
"Not like this. This is my uncle's firm. You're guaranteed good training and a job after."
"They all offer training and a guaranteed job."
"This is a real guarantee. Anyway, I'll text you the number. it's up to you. Gotta go. See ya later"
"See ya"
John raised himself to a sitting position. As he got dressed he heard the beep of his phone informing him the text had come through.
[[May as well go for the computer job, he thought. GOTO SECTION 18->Passage 18]]
[[May as well go for a walk and clear my head GOTO SECTION 19->Passage 19]]
Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.18
The text message* was indeed from Dave. It said he was giving John his uncle's direct number as the one in the paper just got you through to an answering machine.
John rang the number and a man answered.
After a brief conversation John found he had himself an interview. But to his horror it was that very afternoon, meaning he only had three hours to get ready. Whoever Dave’s uncle was, he didn't hang about.
Three hours later John found himself seated opposite Dave's uncle and another person, both of whose names he had already forgotten.
"So, John, I was wondering if you could tell me why you want to get into IT?"
"Well, several reasons. First and foremost it interests me, and secondly I need a job!" Daves uncle and the other person smiled politely at this.
"And what is it about IT that interests you?"
"Computers"
"I see." said Dave's uncle, noting something down.
"And, what sort of experience do you have?"
John was horrified at his own stupidity, it was a blindly obvious question yet he had completely failed to anticipate it and come up with a plausible lie.
"Well, I've played computer games and I've used the computers at the library. For websites and stuff" He said weakly.
To John's surprise Dave's uncle brightened at this and said, "that's great. You would be surprised at how many people come to us with no experience at all."
"OK, well, I have the results of your aptitude test here and am pleased to say you did very well."
John smiled and said "Oh. I did? That's great."
" Yes, that's right. So I'd like to offer you a position here. Now you start off with 6 weeks of training. Then you graduate into becoming a consultant. As a trainee you'll be on 10K and when you move on to being a consultant you get 20K"
20k! John didn't bother to hide his delight.
Daves uncle continued, "So, what do you say?"
[["When do I start?" john said grinning. GOTO SECTION 24->Passage 24]]
[["Can I have some time to think about it?" John said. GOTO SECTION 25->Passage 25]]
CLUNKY
*(note to readers in the fifteenth millenium, a "text message" was a form of comunication used in the early twenty first century)
19
He walked slowly to the park.
It was a fairly large park. He often came here to relax.
If it was sunny he would usually buy a can of lager and drink it in the sunshine. Today he decided to do just that. He had read somewhere that hair of the dog actually worked.
As he strolled in the park he was struck by the vivid colours of the various flowers. Summer has come, he thought.
He was heading towards the duck pond. IT was his favourite part of the park. So peaceful.
As he strolled slowly along, drinking his can of lager he became aware of a strange humming noise in the air. He ignored it at first but it quickly grew louder.
He stopped and looked around. Others had stopped too. The sound seemed to be coming from all around. No particular source.
As he stood, the humming became a roar and he saw a shape flash in the air above the trees. A plane, absurdly low to the ground and travelling at tremendous velocity.
He span round and stared as the aircraft hurtled over the trees, black smoke streaming from it. Suddenly it seemed to drop like a stone and smashed into the roof of a nearby housing block. It bounced off the roof with a crackling tearing noise and dipped down out of sight.
[[For a moment John was frozen with shock. Call the police! He decided GOTO SECTION 21->Passage 21]]
[[Without hesitation John turned and ran in the direction of the downed aircraft GOTO SECTION 20->Passage 20]]
20
He ran out of the park towards the pillar of smoke.
The cars on the street had slowed to a crawl and he easily picked his way past them as he crossed the road to the estate.
Someone leaned out of a car and John shouted "Call an ambulance! Plane crash" as loud as he could as he ran past.
He came to the first side street but the smoke was coming from further back into the estate.
Running on further he realised the plane had bounced much further than he had at first estimated.
He rounded the next corner and saw the source of the smoke. The aircraft had become embedded into the roof of one the houses.
Already there were people standing around in the street. Most of them seemed to be utterly confused. Standing there immobile.
John continued running as fast as he could. He reached the house with the plane in the roof and stopped to survey the scene. Thick black smoke was billowing from the aircraft's tail section. The whole front of the fuselage was deep within the roof of the house.
The front door to the house was open and he went straight in. The lower floor was essentially intact, minor debris was lying around where bits of the ceiling had fallen down.
he moved upstairs. The smoke was thicker here and there was shattered plaster and wood everywhere. The ceiling had caved in on top of the rear bedrooms bed. If anyone had been in it at the time of the crash they were past helping now.
He tried to peer up into the smoke, feeling the heat of the flames.
The middle section of the fuselage was resting on the bed, cracked wide open. He clambered on top the chest of drawers and heaved himself into the aircraft. Paradoxically the smoke was thinner here though he could feel the heat from the fire at the back.
As he entered he heard a moan from up front in the cockpit then a voice rasped "Help me". The whole floor of the aircraft was splintered and he struggled to get a footing. He was about to open the cockpit door when he noticed the passenger area, broken off to the right. He looked in and withdrew his head in horror. There had been at least three adults , all now obviously dead.
He looked again and this time noticed another figure, slumped face down on the floor. He could only see their back but something told him they were alive.
Just at that moment something beyond the smoke assaulted his nose. Gasoline. And lots of it. The fuel tanks must have ruptured in the crash. There wasn't much time.
[[He quickly moved the cockpit to assist whoever had shouted for help GOTO SECTION 22->Passage 22]]
[[He quickly scrambled to the rear of the craft to help the prone figure GOTO SECTION 23->Passage 23]]
21
He hurriedly grabbed his mobile from his pocket and dialed 999.
The operator answered immediately "Emergency. Which service?"
"Err. police. No, I mean ambulance. We need both, there -" he found himself stuttering.
"Its OK, keep calm sir. Could you explain what's happened."
"Yes, there's been a plane crash. Big one. It hit the roof. I think it was a jet."
At that moment a loud bang filled the air, echoing around the park. A bright fireball rose in the sky behind the houses, followed by thick smoke.
"Shit! it’s exploded. Oh my god! it's on fire."
"And where are you sir?"
"Err, I'm in Clissold park. This is horrible. I hope there was no one in there!"
"It's OK sir, emergency personnel are on their way. Try to keep calm. Now please stay on the line, I need to get more details from you...."
-------------------------
John sat in the Dog and Duck with Dave.
A pint of lager on hand.
"Yeah, and then seemingly the whole world descended on Clissold park. The area was shut off all day. There were fire trucks and police everywhere. They're still there!"
"So, was anyone hurt?"
"Of course people were hurt. It was a fucking plane crash."
"You know what I mean."
"Well , it was a small private jet, I heard. Unfortunately no survivors. Christ, it was terrible. You should have seen the fireball. Just awful."
"What about the houses? The people in the houses?"
"I don't know about that. I wasn't allowed near them. It looked pretty bad though."
"Well at least you're OK. Want another beer?"
"Yeah, I'd love one thanks. I intend to get right royally drunk tonight.
John watched as Dave went to the bar he recalled the crash and the following fireball. Such a waste of life.
"If only someone could have done something," he said to himself.
"What did you say?" Dave said as he returned with the drink.
"Nothing. let's get pissed."
"Yeah, shit happens. Let's get pissed!"
THE END
22
John moved to the cockpit door. The impact had warped the frame around the door and it seemed jammed shut.
He tried pulling, the door budged a little but wouldn't move any further. He looked around and saw a wooden spar that had broken free of the roof. He grabbed it and wedged it into the small gap between the door and frame. He leaned back and with a scraping noise the door came open.
He entered the cockpit, which was far smaller than he had imagined and saw the pilot slumped back in his chair.
His face was covered in broken glass and there was a stream of blood from his nose, but his eyes were open, he was conscious.
"Arms...broken" he said in gasps.
"I'm sorry, but I'm just gonna have to grab you and pull. There's petrol everywhere. i think she's gonna blow."
"Please...get me...out."
The smell of gas was now overwhelming and John just grabbed the pilot around the chest and heaved.
He ignored the man's screams and pulled him out of the cockpit and towards the tear in the middle of the aircraft.
It seemed to take forever but he managed to get both himself and the pilot back to the rear bedroom.
He took a moment to breathe and in that instant he was lifted and thrown to the floor. A wall of heat had slammed him into another even hotter harder wall of heat.
I was too slow, he thought as pain engulfed him.
----------------------------------------------
Dave looked down at the coffin, So many people here! He thought. So many people had wanted to pay their respects to John.
He looked to his left, the pilot whose life he had saved threw a flower on to the coffin.
As the coffin was lowered into the ground he felt a surge of anger that his best friend had left him. But he had saved a man's life! You always had to be a hero John, he thought, and then, to his surprise, he found himself crying.
The End
Double-click this passage to edit it.24
Well that's great!" Daves uncle said, "We have a new induction next monday. Why don't you start then?"
"Sounds good to me. See you then" said John.
John hung up then immediately rang Dave.
"Hello?"
"Hi Dave, it's John. What's your uncle's name?"
----------------------------------------
In the days leading up to the monday start john tried to prepare himself a little.
Whilst telemarketing he had not had to start work till 1 pm and had got into the habit of sleeping till noon.
He tried to wean himself off this by going to bed earlier but he always found himself lying in bed stone cold awake for hours. Completely unable to sleep. Then when the alarm went off he would be so tired he would just reset it for noon.
So when Monday mornings start came he found it difficult to get out of bed. It was 8am, the heating wasn't on and he'd only had 3 hours sleep.
For a moment he was tempted to say hell with the new job and going back to bed, but he knew that he'd desperately regret it later if he didn't. Plus Dave would be annoyed if he backed out.
After a breakfast consisting of 3 cans of Red Bull he found himself sufficiently awake to get going and he made his way to the office.
When he arrived he was sent by the receptionist to the training room where there were four other people waiting.
After ten minutes a middle aged man entered the room, introduced himself as Simon, switched on a projector and said "Being a computer programmer costs. And this is where you start paying. In sweat."
---------------------------------------
The next week's training sessions went by in a flash.
He sat with half a dozen colleagues staring at a white board covered with diagrams. At first he found the topics incomprehensible. Different concepts seemed to mashed together without rhyme or reason. He sat there hour after hour, day after day in a fog.
But after a week or so there was a change in pace and they began practice on the PC.
It was difficult at first. He had expected programming to involve moving buttons and boxes on the screen. To somehow "teach" the computer what it needed to know to perform the needed tasks, but it was at once far simpler than that and far more complicated. He found that at the fundamental level that programs were written that the things computers could do were amazingly limited. Compare numbers, perform mathematical functions and print out variables. There were additional libraries that you could use to make graphical interfaces but these two seemed incredibly basic. But importantly it was like lego, you built up vast structures from these small limited pieces.
He began to understand what they meant when they said a database stores relationships as well as raw data. He understood that the data could be numbers, dates, words, anything but it was the relationships between the data that mattered.
One of his fellow trainees dropped out after the database course, telling John one night at the pub that he found the whole business intolerably boring and pointless. But John was beginning to see the point.
The point was automation.
How do you break down a process into its constituent parts then craft a program to perform those tasks? That was an essential question.
By the end of the six weeks he understood that a programmer was really an engineer. An engineer who built machines from logic. And to his utter astonishment he found that the process of designing and building these software machines was an almost totally creative process.
The parts of the programming work that could be reduced to a mechanical procedure were themselves automated. Leaving only those parts of that required imagination and invention to the human programmers.
At the end of the training period Daniel, as he now knew Dave's uncle, called him into his office.
"So John, how are you finding things?" Daniel asked.
"Things are going well," John said, "very well".
"That's good to hear. So you're enjoying yourself?"
"I won't lie to you. And this is going to sound geeky as hell, but i find it exhilarating!" John laughed and Daniel did too.
"Well, I thought you might say that. We've been keeping an eye on your progress and I'll tell you straight that we're impressed." John smiled and Daniel went on, "in fact, in the tests we've given and the assessment of the code you write you have not only achieved the highest grade this year, but the second highest grade ever. "
"Wow. What can I say! That's amazing."
"OK, as you've done so well I'm going to give you the choice of two assignments. The first assignment is at one of the banks in Canary Wharf. You might think it to be a dry assignment but they're building a new system there based on the latest technology. I think you'll like it. The second assignment is in Spain. The clients are a software vendor, you'll be helping them build their new application in Barcelona."
"OK"
"So, which do you think you'd like to go for?"
[["Well, the opportunity to use the latest tech at canary Wharf sounds too good to miss!" GOTO SECTION 28->Passage 28]]
[["This is a no brainer! No Spain of course!" GOTO SECTION 29->Passage 29]]
25
"Yes, of course. Could you let us know within a week?" Daves uncle said.
"Yes. Thanks very much." Said John, getting up.
---------------------------
John stood in the street wondering what to do. It was five oclock now. He wanted to sit down and have a think. The interview, though it had gone well, had left him feeling drained.
He looked across at the other side of the street and spotted a pub. It was a traditional looking place, lots of dark wood and cream colours.
He entered the pub and found it was extraordinarily dark. He wondered for a moment whether it was actually open, but as his eyes adjusted he saw a few patrons sitting at candle lit tables.
He went to the bar and ordered a pint of lager from the barman, who served him wordlessly and without meeting his eye.
Service with a smile, thought John.
He took his lager and sat at a large table by the window. There was a little more light here and he could see that although it looked dingey the place was actually very clean and the furnishings of decent quality.
He took a copy of one of the free evening newspapers from his jacket and laid it out on the table. It was crumpled and he had to press down to read it.
The headline was "New Terror Warning in London".
He was about to turn the page when a voice came from his left, "Terrible isn't it?"
John looked at the man who had spoken. He was sitting at the table to John's left, remarkably close. Whether he had just sat down or had been there all along John didn't know. He looked middle aged and portly. He was wearing a tweed jacket and smoking a cigar. Altogether John thought he looked out of place.
He was tempted to fob the man off with a grunt and a nod, but he turned and said, "What's terrible?"
"Terror."
John chuckled and said "Well, yes. Terror is terrible."
"But do you know what the truly terrible thing about terror is?"
"What's that?"
"It always strikes the innocent."
"Isn't that the point of terror though?" said John hoping it sounded intelligent. I am wise, worldly and well informed.
"Well, i would assume that the point of terror is to terrorise those who can do something about your demands. Striking at the innocents does increase pressure on those in power. Pester power, one might call it, " was he smiling? thought John , "but wouldn't it be more efficient to strike at the heart? To strike those who have the real power?"
"I guess so." Said John, feeling slightly uncomfortable.
"but alas, your average terrorist doesn't think that does he? Your average terrorist isn't logical."
"Uhm, probably not" John said, trying to smile politely, but failing.
"Wouldn't it be nice if they could be stopped."
"Yes, that would be nice. I dont think it will happen though." John said, trying to turn back to his paper.
The man took a deep draw on his cigar. Then slowly released the smoke. It filled the air around John and he hoped the conversation was over.
He turned back to his paper, but the man spoke again and at the words a chill filled John's heart.
"Oh, but they can be stopped, John."
"What did you say?"
"I said, 'they can be stopped'. meaning those who deal in terror."
"You called me John. Do I know you?"
"No." said the man, smiling, "but I know you."
John stared at the man. He could feel his face had gone red.
"Please dont play games with me. Who are you and how do you know me?"
"Well, we know you from a mutual friend. Don't be alarmed, we mean you no harm."
"Go on."
"you could say that I work for the good guys. And it's my job to find other good guys."
Who was this person? John would have been tempted to have dismissed him as a mad man, but he didn't seem mad. And he knew John's name.
John looked around. No one appeared to be listening, but he had to make a conscious effort not to whisper.
"The good guys? I'm sorry, you've confused me. What do you want with me?"
"I'll get to the point. The people I work for, 'the good guys' have reason to believe that you're a 'good guy' too. We would like to offer you a small job."
"I have a job."
"You do? Well, how about another job? We pay well and we’ll only require your services for a short period of time."
"And what does this job involve?"
"Spying on Cleerline Computing."
"I'm sorry. Is this some kind of joke?"
"No. It's not a joke. We have reason to believe that Cleerline Computing is involved in some very nasty things."
"And you chose me? I must say this all seems rather blatant. Aren't spies supposed to be underhand?"
"Normally I'd agree with you. but we find ourselves in a rather tight spot. The only reason I'm being so frank with you is that we're desperate."
"What's to stop me going to Cleerline computing and telling them all this. Telling them they're under surveillance. that people are spying on them?"
"Well , nothing. but why would you? There's nothing for you to gain. The best you can hope for is for them to look at you strangely and have you escorted out of the building. What I'm offering is excellent money for minimal effort, but much more importantly, the opportunity to do something for the common good."
"And if I say no?"
"Well, we'll just have to have you killed of course." John stared but the man laughed and said "Sorry bad joke. Seriously, if you say no I go away and you never hear from us again. No hard feelings. End of story"
If he was a spy, why was he so strange? Weren't spies supposed to by definition "fit in"? Blend in with the background, be generally invisible? What's the point of a spy if everyone notices him?
"And what do I get if I say yes?"
"We pay you well for your services and you get a warm feeling knowing you're doing the right thing."
John thought for a moment then said,
[["I must be crazy, but I'll do it." GOTO SECTION 26->Passage 26]]
[["You must think I'm crazy. I'm not going to get involved in this bullshit." GOTO SECTION 27->Passage 27]]
Double-click this passage to edit it.27
John took a swig from his lager, then turned to the man and - but the man had gone.
Jesus, who was that guy? he wondered. If he had expected me to believe this spy crap he must think I'm pretty stupid.
The more John thought about it the more annoyed he got. He must have been trying to con him. Trying to trick him. Probably after money.
As he drank the lager he thought about the job offer at Cleerline Computing. He didn't know much about computers but he must admit he was tempted. It's got to beat telemarketing, he thought. And more importantly it could be the start of a career. It's got to be a hell of a lot more meaningful and satisfying than yet another dead end job, he thought.
He finished the lager and got out his phone to ring Dave's uncle.
When Dave's uncle answered the phone John said "Hi, I've had a good think about your job offer and would like to accept."
[[GOTO SECTION 24->Passage 24]]
Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.